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The all-wood, gasoline-free Ford Woody, the latest from the brilliant minds of Ford Motor Co., runs on the principals of Newtonian physics. In other words— “What goes up, must go down…. Or F = MA sort of thing… The car must be pushed to high elevations and ridden down steep grades to run at all. Passenger room is limited to three people that can squeeze into round wood holes and one person who must push the vehicle from behind.
DETROIT — Not since the Model-A of Henry T. Ford’s days has the automobile industry been turned upside-down like it is today in an effort to go green with luxury items. Industry analyst believe it is about to happen again with the introduction of the world’s first “gas-free, all-wood” car to be introduced in North America in 2009.
“We are very proud to help wean the country from what President Bush (Cheney) regards as our addiction to fossil fuels. The new Ford Woody aims to make that possible by eliminating gas consumption completely,” said Ford spokesperson James Longerfeld.
“Our car is not only wireless—it engineless! That’s pretty darn cool. It uses no oil, or any fluids for that matter,” Longerfeld said proudly.
When FunnyNewz asked how an all-wood car would be powered, Longerfeld went on ambiguously describe the car’s main source of power as being “very similar in nature to the Flintstone propulsion method.”
Conservationist groups raised concerns that it seems counterproductive to reduce environmental pollution by sawing down more trees, but Longerfeld shrugged it all off as typical environmental carping.
“Yes it might disappoint the tree-hugger gang,” Longerfeld countered, “But, you can’t make everyone happy…. Just think. When you get tired of the car, you can burn it in a fireplace or make furniture out of it—what other car can you do that with?”
The car is being marketed toward the luxury demographic, he said.
FunnyNewz did random sampling to determine how consumers might react to an all-wood car that does not run on gasoline. Younger luxury item consumers in the 18-35 demographic were receptive to the idea.
“Cool man, who wouldn’t want to sport a woody all day?” said 19-year old Biff Knepper of Los Angeles, Calif., who just received his driver’s license last year as a well as a full time membership compliments of Dad, to a local prestigious golf club.
However, older market segments seemed reluctant to drive an all-wood, gasoline-free car.
“I haven’t had a woody in twenty years,” said glass-eyed and grizzled octogenarian Vernon DeMore, Santa Fe, N.M. “Why should I start now?”
Ford Motor Co. expects Woodys to roll out of the lumber yards by early 2008. The compact-class all-wood sedan will be available in multiple stains from light oak to a handsome dark cherry finish. A GT model will include an extra clear coat varnish.
The car was designed by engineer Billy Fanning, a 7-year-old first grader at West View Elementary School, in Pittsburgh, Pa. |
