Magic Jack” overwhelming cell phone giants
The Root Beer Wire - Major cell phone companies around the world, such as ATT&T, Verizon Wireless, Sprint and, eh, Cricket, are planning to throw in the towel to the “Magic Jack.” Magic Jack is a gadget technology, available for $19.99 per month and can turn any home computer in a phone. Mostly, it is aimed at computer literate senior citizens, but is now catching on across all age demographics. The big Cells, fear it may spell their doom.
“I must admit,” said one AT&T senior executive, “I got hooked on Magic Jack. It actually does work. Now my father is 80 and doesn’t want nor need a cell phone…. But, he was particularly attracted to the Magic Jack, mostly because of its catchy name and that he had got it for free.”
The executive went on to explain that many of the touch screen features of his Blackberry Tour went unused by his grandfather, who very rarely went beyond a block from his assisted living home and shares a group email account with 10 other seniors. “Cell phone are amazing devices,” the CEO said. “But, if you don’t need it, they are worth jack shit….”
“Ask Lesko” could have averted global financial crisis
The Root Beer Wire - Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke, who recently has come under a lot of heat for his financial policies admits the U.S. Government missed a golden opportunity in solving the global financial crisis by not tapping into the power of the “Ask Lesko” guy, who has an uncanny ability to find free government money, which everyone deserves.
“ Ask Lesko did all the research for us,” reportedly said a distraught Bernanke. “If only we would have heeded his advice this whole crisis thing could have been averted for about twenty bucks… Hard to believe…. What a bummer.”
Nangork interested in buying ailing Rams NFL franchise
Rarf Nangork, an alien from the Alpha Centauri system, and owner of Uranus Brewing Co., a microbrewery based on the planet Uranus, is reportedly in talks with St. Louis Blues owner Dave Checketts in a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams, owners of the NFL's longest current losing streak - just 5-31 since 2007.
“Nangork has a lot of money,” said one league official who wished to remain anonymous, “However, his comments about wanting to enslave humanity may hurt him with executive committee,” said Ted Johnson, a personal assistant to NFL spokesman Greg Aiello.
Nangork is a Grey alien from the Alpha Centauri system and owner of Uranus Brewing Co. He also has countless real estate holdings scattered throughout the Universe. The controversial Nangork came under fire when comments he made about enslaving humanity surfaced on You Tube during an unsuccessful campaign for the U.S. Presidency in 2008. Nangork claims he was “drunk on human mind thoughts” at that time, though he failed to explain exactly what the hell that meant.
The Vampire BoldFont contributed to this report.
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